The Primal Wound: A Preliminary Investigation into the Effects of Separation from the Birth Mother on Adopted Children

Although adoption is considered by many people to be the optimal solution to
the problem of relinquished children, the growing number of adoptees searching for birth parents and the advent
of pre- and peri-natal psychology suggest that it is not so simple a solution as had once been thought. This
paper examines several problems adoptees have to face as they adapt to living with people with whom they
have no biological connection: a loss of the “ideal self,” as a possible result of premature separation from the
biological mother; an assuming of the “false self,” as a means of dealing with the fear of further rejection and
abandonment; and the relationship with the adoptive mother, which is often ambivalent and conflictual. This
paper is excerpted from a study of 15 adult adoptees, which inferred the existence of a wound to the Self as a
result of having been separated from their birth mothers and the awareness that this separation was one of
“choice” and not “fate.” Its purpose was to broaden our understanding of relinquishment and adoption, as
experienced by the adoptee, in such a way so as to encourage more research and lead to more effective
methods of dealing with the emotional problems of this population. This aspect of the study focuses: on the
sense of Self, which may be damaged as a result of premature separation from the biological mother; on the
subsequent assuming of the exaggerated persona or “false self as a means of dealing with the fear of further
rejection and abandonment; and on the relationship with the adoptive mother in all its ambiguity and poignancy.